


all the words that i can't take back

by heterophobictjkippen



Series: alone [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Fights, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, anyways I wrote this for someone so i hope you see it bc I couldn't gift it to you, enjoy the angst without any happy ending, this is so sad alexa play good for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 08:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15457221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heterophobictjkippen/pseuds/heterophobictjkippen
Summary: Jared knew he was being an asshole. He wasn’t that stupid. Of course he knew. He just wished he could control it, but so much was going on, and making it worse.written for the person who asked why evan and jared were fighting on my last fic.can be read either before or after Stay With Me.





	all the words that i can't take back

**Author's Note:**

> what?? matts posting another fic???
> 
> there's a lil explanation behind this one. so i got a comment on my fic Stay With Me? asking why Evan and Jared were fighting, so to that commenter, here u go. hope you enjoy!!
> 
> thank you to @cassettetape for betaeing this bc it was so bad before they did

Jared wasn't stupid. He knew he was being an asshole, of course he did. He wished he could control it, but with so much was going on, it only made it worse.

 

Almost like a miracle, Evan had gotten the courage to talk to Zoe Murphy, his masturbation fodder since the 7th grade, and started becoming friends with Alana Beck as well, even if Jared was friends with Alana way before Evan was. Maybe it was petty to think his friends were being stolen, and that Evan was ditching him, but it was completely the truth.

 

The only person Evan hadn’t stolen was Connor, but he and Connor weren't that close. Not like he wanted, anyways.

 

He refused to let it bother him that much, but the loneliness had been getting harder to ignore. He hated it so much, and just wanted his friends back, but there was no way that could happen.

 

And, on a night Jared and Evan had a project to finish, just before school ended for the summer, things became worse.

 

Jared couldn't focus, and Evan was tired, so they were taking a break. That's when he, rather stupidly, decided to bring the topic up.

 

“Evan?” 

 

“Uh, yeah?”

 

“I gotta ask something.” He paused, looking over to see Evan giving him a perplexed look. 

 

“What is it?” Evan asked, and Jared's heart began beating faster.

 

He took a deep breath and looked back down at his bedspread. “What happened? Between us? Where did all those years of being friends go?”

 

“Where did it go?” Evan repeated, and Jared sensed a raising tinge of anger that he hadn't seen in quite a while. “I'm pretty sure you know that answer, Jared. Why don't, why don't I ask you what happened?” He was starting to raise his voice, and Jared started tensing, his nerves getting worse.

 

“We w-were fine until 8th grade! Then it was you who started ditching me for your, uh, your 'camp friends’, and refusing to be seen with me! It's like, you were so ashamed of being friends with me that you dumped me flat on my ass. Why are you surprised that I’m done with you? You s-should be happy that we’re not friends anymore!” Evan was standing by the time he finished his rant, glaring at Jared with teary, angered eyes. 

 

“You're so fucking selfish, Jared! You didn't care about me at all! And now you're all upset that I don't want, don't want to be pushed around anymore. God!” Jared quickly noticed his body was starting to shake as he sobbed, but he knew his anger wasn't over.

 

“I hope it was worth it.” He murmured, wiping his eyes with his forearm. “I dunno how your parents are gonna pay for your uh, car insurance now. I'm leaving. Finish the project on your own.” And with that, Evan gathered his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. He marched out of Jared's bedroom and ran upstairs, and Jared could hear the door slam. 

 

He was left in tears, shaking profusely. He felt worse than he had ever felt before. He couldn't even explain himself, like a fucking idiot. He just sat there, on his bed, crying like a fucking wimp. 

 

Jared hadn't noticed he wasn't breathing until he took a sharp inhale, followed by a shaky exhale. He felt tears slide down his face and drop on his neck. As soon as he realized he was crying, he had became angrier. Evan was right all along. He was selfish. He shouldn't be the one crying. He had no right. He had been hurting Evan, purposefully, for years. This was just karma.

 

He deserved to feel that way. 

 

He deserved everything that had just happened. 

 

As he continued bawling like a little fucking kid, he scrambled to reach for his phone, opening every single app he followed Evan on, blocked him on every platform, ending with blocking his number. There was no use, however. He knew Evan wouldn't try to contact him anymore.

Everything was a lie anyways. His camp friends all hated him, his car insurance was paid off already, and he definitely considered Evan as one of his only close friends. Why he lied about everything, he didn't know. But there was nothing he could do about it anymore. It was over, and he was alone again.

 

He deserved it.


End file.
